Banni Saar , Aaytu ..

A Sunday morning, you open the door to find the sofas and chairs occupied.

Banni saar , inyen aagoithu ( Come in sir, it's almost done ).

The TV is blaring an old Telugu song. One of them flips the channel to a new Bollywood song.

There are magazines and newspapers spread on a teapoy ,that you read only here.Bangalore Mirror, Femina, Stardust, and the like. 

An uncle is playing a whatsApp forward he just received loudly. He doesn’t know how to turn the volume down.

Two of them are talking about the loan they have taken to buy a new phone as they continue doing their work  A flunkie is being shouted at for not cleaning the floor at regular intervals. 

The place has gotten fancy in recent times, with all branded stuff, AC, and a sterilizer to keep some equipment. A kid is being cajoled with an ice cream to stay quiet during the process. 

A customer gets a call and is talking about the house deal. He is saying he is on the way to the site and will be there soon. Blames the Bengaluru traffic.Liar.

Some customers are very particular about who handles the job. They wait for long hours if need be scanning through that Stardust. 

Then the customers instruct the barbers about the styles they need. The pre-teenagers seem to want a mushroom cut. It’s the joy of having long hair but still keeping the parents happy. Some professionals describe the style with a number. The teenagers always come up with new requirements challenging the barber's skills. The younger children are mostly in tears because they always get a summer cut or because of the haircuts the others are getting, look so much better.

The older folks are the most particular and finicky about how much hair is remaining after the cut. They have more heads than the rest of the customers put together. Some of them remove their shirts for an underarm delivery .. "Borbara karo"   says the gentleman in broken Hindi when he realizes the barber doesn't understand Kannada  

The middle-aged fellas are playing it safe, Medium , swalpa side jaasti cut maadi. So if this goes wrong they can always blame their barber for not understanding instructions  Medium is the equivalent of a mixed coffee ( not ready for sugarless or a normal coffee). 

Haircuts and filter coffee: 

Strange lessu - Run that trimmer, make it size 0   

Lightuu  - Just cut one small bit to tell I had a haircut at home 

Mixuu - not  sure of the above a.k.a Medium short

Mixxu, less jaasti ->Sides short, medium on top  

Normal /Plussu  - Do whatever you like to make it good

The barbers are trying to cross-sell their wares and services. Saar massage maadla? Oil massage and by chance, you say yes the next question, is the kind of oil to use for the malish. Sir coconut oil, Navaratna cool oil, or Shenanz? Now, Shenaz full demand saar .. Try this if you are willing to hear your bones crack at breakneck speed. Sound treatment for headaches..

If you say no to a massage, saar dye madoNa? Swalpa grey grey idhe saar . The joy on his face when you say yes, like a wrote a will in his name. Now that the will is done, you can die peacefully ..

If you have disappointed him with a series of NOs he resorts to "Sir, nim maneli hard water use maadteera? Haggard neevu hair spa treatment tagolli Sir, thickness maintain maadakke". Do you use hard water at home? Please take a hair spa treatment to maintain thickness “

  OR “saar him skin tumba rough idhe , facial maadla?

These days the barbers are all wannabe hairdressers, they have learned the art of saying pedicure and manicure too. 

My standard answer most times “Ee sala “, no no, not what you are thinking .. 

time illa, next time  ….

Do you go to a barber shop OR have you upgraded to a hairdresser saloon?